Honest Abe.

If I were to be truly honest, I would have to admit that I am not the most honest person. Gasp! 'Vanessa, are you saying that you are a liar? That you are not to be trusted?' In one say I say, no not really, but in another I say, 'Absolutely'. Allow myself to explain myself.

It's been about 10 months since my last blog post. And that is for several reasons. When I moved to Belgium one year ago on August 18th, I had no idea what was in store for me. I believe I had signed myself up for the fulfillment of God's calling on my life, to go and be His light, to share His love with a community. For a while I felt so empowered that it was all coming to fruition. The first 4 months in Belgium I could see God's hand over everything I was doing; I felt like I was walking directly under God's provision, His direction, and His will. And, by golly, it felt good.

Then December hit. I came home for Christmas break, and well, didn't really break. I didn't give myself time to process what had just happened in my life, the craziness of moving to a completely different country, leaving the community and the life I had known for the past 26 years. I came back to Belgium expecting to jump head first into the current of the spirit and good feelings and accomplishments of ministry that I had before. It didn't happen. And life seemed to creep in.

Belgium is rainy, damp and cold and they experienced one of the worst winters they've had in a long time. Some ex-pats call the time after Halloween until Valentine's Day as the 100 days of darkness. So I had that going for me. Then, it hit me that I was living in a different culture with a different language. The things that seemed romantic and adventurous, now seemed to make everyday life frustrating, exhausting, and very isolating. All I wanted to do was feel capable in ministry and competent in life, and I felt everything but. Imagine me, the Italian-American with a performance background, who loves to be the center of attention and loves to laugh and socialize and feel good. Now imagine me, sitting in a room full of awesome people and quietly sitting with my head swarming full of French while I try to use both my fork and knife and not appear like the American barbarian that I am. And to top it all off, I tore my ACL. Yes, this is a pretty common experience, but with everything else going on, it has literally, swept the ground from underneath my feet. Physical activity was the last shred of hope I had to fight off the winter blues and the cross-cultural-transition anxiety, and it was gone. It felt like it all was gone.

'Wow, Vanessa. This post is getting pretty depressing.' So, let me get to my point. I have not posted in my blog because yes life is busy, but also, I couldn't conjure up anything that felt worthy of blogging. Everything that I have clung to in the past (familiarity, family, friends, busyness in ministry, even church and Bible study) don't seem to be 'working' for me anymore. .

This morning in church we were having an awesome time singing in worship. I felt refreshed, in tune with the Spirit and I was starting to feel 'good'. During the last song, we kept repeating the phrase 'Give me Jesus'. Over and over. I remember checking out, and thinking that I wish the song would end because I stopped feeling the worship tingly feeling. And I was missing the point. I so often miss the point. I strive and I seek to do, be, feel good in Christ, that I totally miss Christ. I have come to a place where my rhythm in Christ has been thrown completely off. And I am so desperately thankful for it. Sometimes I am in such a hurry to get to know Christ that He remains a stranger to me. In such a rush to to proclaim Christ that I don't hear how He is speaking. My heart desires to be pacified in Christ, and not to be fully filled by Him.

So there it is, the truth underneath it all. And man, the truth shall set you free. I am grateful for God exposing my fleshly and even spiritual reality, because now, of all times in my life, I am seeing that Jesus is the only thing worthy in my life, the only thing, above all things, that my heart longs for. It only took God cutting the strings of life as I knew it, for me to be free to love Him. Here's to the that journey, one's of ups and downs, but one that will, God willing, be honest.


**NOTE: I must say that this terrifies me to post because I am still seeking to look 'good' in Christ. However, I know that this is my offering to Christ, and that through it all, I can boast in my weakness!!!**

Chugging along!

I have been here in Belgium for two months, and it is so incredible all that has happened. I am almost completely settled into my apartment and am getting adjusted to Belgian life. It has been an absolute whirlwind of activity, but it is all so exciting that I had to share!

The awesome display

Girl leaders!

 On October 6 we had a Young Life Octoberfest for over 50 parents! We had our high school leaders come serve pretzels and bratwursts for an awesome night to tell parents all about Young Life!

Representing America!

St. John's International school had their annual International fest. Over 40 countries were represented in a parade, with 30 different booths of food, drink and desserts from all over the world. So amazing to see how many different kids we get to serve!

WyldLife hit the road for

 some blacklight mini-golf!

WyldLife and Young Life Clubs are in full swing, as well as girls and guys separate small groups! We are now working to establish a solid committee, and create service opportunities for kids. Not to mention I am helping choreograph  the dance routine for the middle school show! It has been so amazing to see how God has prepared a place for me here, with the school, with parents and with kids. I cannot wait to see what the future holds are we continue to pursue these awesome kids. Thank you so much for your support and prayers...seriously. 

So much is happening here!

Already Attained.

Today is my 5th full day here in Belgium and it is so hard for me to explain everything that is happening.

The other day I was in Philippians 3; I love this chapter and in verse 12 Paul describes how he has not 'already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.' This was an often visited chapter while I was fundraising for Belgium and gave me the strength and faith to 'press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus'

When I was cleared to deploy to Belgium, I felt as if I had arrived at a goal, that the endurance was all to step into what Christ had already taken a hold of. Now that I am here these verses still encourage me...

There is so much that I have yet to 'take hold of''; no apartment, no car, not many friends, no French or way of communicating with the locals, and most important ministry adventures still await. However, as I am pressing on and looking forward, I can't help but feel right where I am supposed to be. In verse 16 of the same chapter in Philippians, Paul writes, 'Only let us live up to what we have already attained.' I have never given this verse full thought! It would be so negligent of me to focus only on the have-nots and the losses. It is my tendency to have the faith of a train - and not in the good way! I want to keep moving, keep arriving, keep striving, without realizing what Christ has already won for me.

The two words in this verse strike me deep; already attained. It is my prayer and my focus to keep reaching heavenward, while still striving to live up to, and be GRATEFUL for, all that Christ has already attained in my life...

I am here in Belgium.
I have a place to stay.
I have supporters who so faithfully and generously support and pray for me.
I have amazing family and friends who encourage me to live out God's call.
I already know kids in the St. John's, Waterloo and ISB community.
I have families who have rallied around me locally.
I have the assurance of salvation in Christ!

Realizing what has already been attained allows my feet to be firmly rooted in gratitude, to strain my neck heavenward, to soak in the goodness of Christ and drink of His fullness. No matter what prize or goal I am straining towards, my heart is at peace as I acknowledge, am grateful for, and live up to all that has already been attained!!

Elbow Greece

I am home now on U.S. soil jumping back into life here - it is weird having your life span between two different continents, having one foot in, and one foot out. I mean, who doesn't love the hokey pokey?

Aside from this intricate dance that I am maneuvering, there are some things that have remained the same from my life here and my future life I had an opportunity to 'taste' in Belgium:

1) Kids are kids. Cultural differences aside, every kid wants to have fun. Every kid wants to live a life of adventure. Every kid wants a true friend. Every kid deserves the chance to know their Creator.

2) Jesus doesn't change. While I sometimes felt lost in translation, while my lungs were trying to adjust to the European air, while the food (and chocolate and beer) were different, nothing rooted my feet more than my relationship with Jesus. He and His word are a constant through e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

3) Working alongside kids is FUN! I had the privilege to serve alongside kids in Greece, digging holes, scraping graffiti off walls, laying concrete, painting and building. No less than five days being back in the States I had another privilege to wash cars alongside kids here in Southbury. I tell you this not because of my greatness (in fact my painting of a teddy bear in Greece was so bad, kids had to re-do it. I am still learning my gifts... :) I tell you this because nothing humbles me or opens up my heart more than to see kids working hard because of who God is.

It is a blessed adventure, that requires just a little bit of elbow grease, continual surrender and a transatlantic dance of hokey pokey. But man, what a great tune to dance to.

 In Greece! Naomi and I, and the sad bear :)

 In Greece! Eduardo, Kevin and Jessica working away!

 In Southbury! Rebecca and I, working at the car wash

In Southbury! A little car wash YMCA dancing

Belgian Rain

“You may want to invest in a good rain jacket” is a sentence I have heard very often since I have been here in Belgium. Much like the climate of Ireland, Brussels is rainy with a slight chance of sunny. However, this concept of rain has proven to mean more to be than a pair of good rain boots.

I had the privilege of attending the Bible study of a group of St. John’s moms and their friends. They are studying James, a study by Beth Moore. There was of course lots of amazing insights that Beth had, but she really honed in on this idea in James 5:7, of the Law of the Harvest. “Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains.” She clarified this time as being Between the Rains, the time when God is working underneath the surface. If it rained all the time, the fields would drown and wouldn’t be able to yield crop.

I felt like this was a specific word for me; in between two phases of my life, between two ministries, between two continents, waiting upon God’s financial provision. It can be hard when you feel like Elijah on your knees praying for it to rain, asking Ahab to check 7 times if there was a sign of rain. (1 Kings 18:43)

But it is an amazing reminder that God’s promises will come to fruition; if in a drought, or dry season, keep praying and looking for God’s rain, it is the law of the harvest that it will come! I know I have many prayers to be prayed, many times of surrender and re-surrender to God’s perfect plan, but I know, believe, claim to my very core, that God will provide, that being between rains is a momentary season in which God is moving and working. And hey, what better country to move to with this mindset than rainy Belgium?

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12-13

Thessaloniki...!

Exciting news! While I am still fundraising and working hard to meet my budget goals, I do know that I will be in Belgium in April...whether that is a permanent move is yet to be determined. Due to the need for a female leader, I will be traveling to Thessaloniki, Greece via Brussels. This is for Young Life International's yearly Service Project...one of the most exciting parts of international ministry. I will be joining over 200 kids and leaders from Belgium and all across Europe for a week to serve the community of Thessaloniki. 

Why a Service Project?

 Several reasons:

 1) Because many families travel to their home country during the summer, there is not a typical 'Young Life Summer Camp Trip' and a trip in April allows more kids to come during their spring break.

 2) Many of the international schools across Europe require service hours, and this helps the kids fulfill them!

 3) It brings the name of Young Life to areas with the intent of serving the community, as well as the potential to start a Young Life ministry there. (Thessaloniki has the largest student population in Greece and will be the European Youth Capital in 2014).

 4) What better way to tell kids about the sacrificial love of Jesus, then to have them experience it with their own hands...

Most kids will be leaving for Greece on a Friday night, but I will be traveling with a new volunteer leader and four kids on Saturday morning across the borders into Greece...quite the exciting first experience! We will be building playgrounds at schools, painting, cleaning, building, teaching and coaching, all while kids get to hear about Jesus. Pray with me for this exciting time; thank you for supporting me in God's mission in Brussels, which has a direct and tangible impact across the WORLD. I cannot wait to report back to share with you what God has done in the lives of kids!

Ugly Sweater. Deep Cry.

It's 7:05pm on Wednesday December 21st. I am in a jean shirt, Christmas vest and raindeer antlers. Yes, it is the last club of the year, also known as the Young Life Ugly Christmas Sweater Club where we exchange joke gifts. Kids are settling in, the gift table is stacked high, the atmosphere is palpable. I look up towards the front of the club room and I see a picture of myself on my Young Life Africa expeditions trip with music set in the background. The picture changes and I realize it is a slideshow of myself and the past 3 years of ministry. I start crying and crouch down so kids can't see my blubbering face.

After 8 minutes of seeing my life flash before my eyes, Quinlan Custer, one of the campaigner girls who I have grown so close to, stands up. She summons me to the front and I am walking on emotional jello. She looks to the crowd and says, "Many kids know this but Vanessa doesn't; everybody stand up..." I look out as over 20 of the 80 kids take off their ugly Christmas sweater to reveal a shirt with Young Life Belgium on the front. They turn around and there is a cut out of the country. Quinlan says, "When we heard that Vanessa was leaving and she had to raise money for Young Life Brussels...we just had to do something for her. So I got a friend to make these tshirts. We sold over 70 shirts and raised over $500 for your mission to Belgium. We love you Vanessa." Needless to say, my face was streaming mascara. I had never been honored in such an incredibly gut checking, humbling, out of body experience way.

I share this story because I am floored by the way the Lord moves. I am a broken vessel, an instrument for God's message of love that has been redeemed in places so that He may make His music known. More than that, this thank you, this blessing, is not about my life in Young Life, or in Southbury. It is about the purpose and the plan that God has for kids, here in Southbury and across the world. I had a false idea that I was there to serve kids. And yet here they were, blessing me in a way that could never be thanked enough, could never match any cup of coffee and conversation I had with them. Beyond that, kids in Southbury, Connecticut can say that they are the conduit for the message of Christ being brought to international kids in Brussels. This, at the end of the day, has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with the Kingdom, on earth as it is in Heaven.

Tommy and I - antlers and all!

Sara and Danielle in their shirts!

The incredible back of the shirt